The Conquest
Manuel watched her from high atop his perch in the tall oak tree next to her window. Dear gods, he was a Peeping Tom! Yet he couldn’t help it! She was so luscious. What did it matter, she was to be his soon anyway. He watched as she crossed in front of the window and began undressing. He knew the only reason she never closed her curtains was because she lived out in the boonies.
First, her hand went to her long blonde tresses, where she pulled out the pin that kept them piled atop her head. A beautiful wave of blond hair tumbled down her back. His cock grew hard thinking about running his hand through them. His gaze was riveted to those long fingers as she unbuttoned one button after another. With each button his cock grew harder and harder! Then, the prize, as the luscious twin globes were revealed, a feast for his eyes.
She wore one of those front closure bras. He slowed down her movements in his mind, as each clasp came undone until finally they were free. Dusky pink nipples topped perfect twin globes. Then his show ended as she pulled a top over her nakedness, covering the world’s most perfect pair of breasts.
Manuel sighed as he alighted to the ground. He couldn’t handle this much longer. He had to have her. Had to make her his own. As his fangs lengthened on their own, he realized he also had to feed. Back to the city, away from his love, he flew through the night on bat wings.
* * *
He was out there, watching her. Luisa didn’t know who he was, but she knew he was there. A cold chill crept down her spine and she shivered. The alarm clock on the nightstand mocked her with it’s late hour. One o’clock in the morning! Damn, this was the third night in a row for who knew how long that she didn’t get any sleep!
She gazed out the window, straining her eyes to see what she could see. Nothing, yet she knew he was out there. She could feel him.
Turning away from the window, she walked to her bed to try to get some sleep, only to be blocked by a wall of…flesh and muscle. Oh dear! A frightened gasp escaped her lips, and a warm, moist mouth covered her own. His tongue lightly caressed her tongue. When he finally pulled away, she was panting hard.
“Who…who are you?”
“My name is unimportant. All that is important is that I claim you for my own.”
Luisa didn’t like how her body quivered at the sound of his voice. “I don’t buy that one b-bit,” she said, putting distance between the two of them.
“Oh? Well, tell me your name,” he said coming up behind her.
“N-no! I don’t know who you think you are, but-“
“Tell me your name,” he said adding compulsion to his command.
“I…Luisa.”
“Luisa…beautiful name for a goddess,” he said, his warm breath caressing her neck.
Luisa shivered and turned to look at him. “How…how did you did that?”
Manuel kept circling her. “Do what?”
“Ge-get me to say my name…like you did?”
He bent down and whispered seductively in her ear. “I am vampyre.”
He said it as though…he were them…as if he were the first.
“You don’t really expect me to believe that, do you?” she scoffed.
“I care not what you believe, Luisa…by the way, why do you have a Spanish name and yet you have a golden mane and white skin?”
Who was this guy? “My grandmother is Spanish er Latin American, my mother is blond-haired and blue eyed, so I received my looks from her. My grandfather was also of Swedish decent.”
“I see. Well, that does explain it.”
Luisa’s heart beat fast. “Yes, well…I want you to leave. Now.” She said pointing to her door. Oh yeah, that should work, she thought sarcastically.
“No.” She knew it wouldn’t be that easy.
Suddenly, he was right behind her, and breathing on her neck. She became frozen to the spot, unable to move. “Wh-what do you want with me?”
“I’ve told you that already, Luisa,” the way he said her name made her pussy moisten itself and her heart beat erratically.
“B-but, is that all you want from me?” She asked, willing right now to give him whatever he wanted.
His hands caressed her arms, slowly gliding down them. “No, I want all of you!” he growled, claiming her mouth from behind. Luisa, bent his head way back and let him claim her lips. A surge of lust gripped her body and she knew she would let him do whatever he wanted to do to her.
He slowly slid off the straps of her gown. Sensuously, his fingers trailed over her heated flesh. No one had ever touched her like that. No one had ever wanted to get this close to her. Heat and moisture gathered between her thighs and she felt strange. Her body felt light and tingly.
Pooling around her feet, her gown slid to the ground. She shivered as the air caressed her naked flesh. His obvious perusal had her going from a shiver to an all over warmth.
With a hunger in his eyes, he closed his mouth around her breast. Back went Luisa’s head, causing an ache to develop between her legs. She knew she was a virgin, but…this was crazy. Teased mercilessly by her so called friends for being a virgin still, she retreated to her aunt’s house for a few months. Her aunt had always developed a soft spot for her niece.
Sensations ripped though her body. She never wanted it to end. It didn’t end, but changed, intensified as his mouth left her breast and went lower, licking a fiery trail down to her vagina. When his tongue touched her clitoris, she practically leapt off the floor. “No!”
“Relax, little one. I have you. You will be fine!” he lifted her up into his arms and deposited her on the bed. Once there, he spread her legs and feasted on the tender flesh between her legs. Back and forth her head thrashed, her hands fisted in the sheets. “Oh-h! What is this?”
Manuel left her clit long enough to answer. “This, my dear perfect princess, is a climax and only the beginning.”
He licked and flicked her clit and several minutes later her orgasm washed over her like a warm wave. “Oh-h my!”
Manuel stood up and stripped off his clothes. Luisa could not help but stare as his was the first male body she had ever seen naked. His chest was a mass of muscles, but not overly much, and when he slid his panst off and revealed slim hips, her eyes grew wide as his penis sprung free, rock solid as it was.
Dear God! This man was…gorgeous! Man? Was he a man?
“You are so beautiful, Luisa, see what you do to me?”
“I am not beautiful,” she said shyly turning her head.
“Oh, that is not true! You are that and so much more,” he said and he crawled up her body, claiming his mouth once again. He pressed his cock into her soft belly. Luisa moaned, wanting to know what it would feel like with him inside. He skimmed his teeth along the sensitive skin of her flesh and Luisa again felt moisture gather between her legs. “Oh!”
“Luisa, I am going to be inside you in a moment, and since you are a virgin, it will hurt the first time. It will be quick. I promise.”
Luisa just nodded. Manuel reared his hips back and with a hand under her buttocks, slid in easily. He reached her virginal wall and with a quick thrust, broke through her hymen. “Oh!” she said and winced.
“Relax! It will be over soon.” He began a slow in and out and where there was once pain, was replaced with a warm, curious sensation. Then pain turned to pleasure and before long, that same spiral that signaled her orgasm started again.
Manuel slid in and out, his thrusts slow at first, then faster and faster, until he slammed inside her body, over and over. His fangs descended and he sank his teeth into her neck, but all she felt was the overwhelming sensation of her orgasm. Manuel hollered to the heavens with his climax.
When it was all over, and Luisa came down from the heavens, she realized he was staring right at her, and hid her face.
“Why do you hide your face so, you are beautiful!”
“How can you say that? I am hideous! Do you not see the scar slashed across my face?”
“No, I do not,” he stated simply.
“What?” and she threw off the covers and ran to the mirror. “You…you did this? You healed it?”
“It is true, my vampyric powers have that ability, but…no, indeed what you saw, was all in your mind. You have always been…beautiful.”

Great story!
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Thanks Lex! I'm...somewhat proud of it! lol
Amethyst
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Well done. Glad to see your blog is up and so is your great story.
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Amethyst,
A very nice read. I enjoyed it. Glad you got the blog to work for you. I look forward to another story.
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Awesome! Wow! That was one amazing piece of writing! You have been hiding real talent here Miss Amethyst Winter lol...I look forward to more of the same
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This is a really good start. I like the idea of who the characters are and where the story is going, though there is lot more that you can include to bring these people alive, especially if this is the first part of a longer story...
Maybe you aren't looking for a critique here, but I have a couple of comments that should help make this really compelling.
I think you can do a lot more with Luisa's POV about how she feels losing her virginity. You cover it in just a couple of sentences when you can really go a lot deeper into her sensations and emotions, and make her a much more engaging character. If you don't want to discuss emotions, you can go for more detail in the physical sensations of sex, but really you need to have more details of one or the other to get us to feel what this girl is feeling. Otherwise, you might as well not have any sex scenes because this one doesn't titillate or uncover much about Luisa, only that Manuel gets what he wants.
I know that is NOT how you intend for the scene to come across, so I hope you'll take this as constructive criticism.
I noticed some punctuation and grammatical errors, too, so you might want to get someone to do an edit before you post next time, just to catch little things ('it's' that should be 'its,' etc.)
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Ooooh...nice job Amethyst! Classic Gothic - spooky and sexy all in one.
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